What the dog ate

A true tale of gluttony

 

 

Blossom was a big black dog. She had long black legs and spotty white paws. She had a big black body and a spotty white chest. She had a long black tail with spotty white tip so you could find her in the long grass.

She had a long pink tongue and big shiny white teeth.

Blossom loved people.

Blossom loved going for walks.

But most of all Blossom loved FOOD.

 

Blossom loved PEARS.

The pear tree in the garden dropped its pears. Blossom ate the pears.

It was the season for pears. Every day Blossom ate the windfall pears. The pears sat in her tummy. Blossom’s tummy grew fat. Then “Phhhhhooooof” she farted, Ohhh……Smelly.

“OOOHHHhhhh! Blossom!” we said.

 

 

Blossom did not like apples.

 

Until she had eaten all the pears. Then she liked APPLES.

The apple tree in the garden was still dropping its apples .

Blossom ate the apples.

Blossom got fatter. Then “Phhhhhooooof” she farted, Ohhh……Smelly.

“OOOHHHhhh! BLOSSOM!” we said.

 

 

 

Blossom liked CHOCOLATE.

Dogs must not eat chocolate, it is very bad for them.

Blossom ate the chocolate.

Blossom ate the chocolate that was a present for a very dear friend.

We did not eat the chocolate, we were very good because it was a present for a friend.

We put the chocolate in a safe place, high on a shelf.

Blossom climbed on the chair that was next to the table that was next to the work top that was next to the shelf that held the chocolates.

Blossom ate ALL the chocolates. And the wrappers. And some of the box.

Blossom felt a bit poorly.

Then “Phhhhhooooof” she farted, Ohhh……Smelly.

“OOOHHHhhh! BLOSSOM!” we said.

 

Blossom liked CAKE.

We made a cake. It was a lovely cake.

We put it in a different safe place, out of Blossom’s reach.

There is no safe place when Blossom is there.

Blossom leapt at the safe place. Her paw reached the plate and pulled it a little bit closer. She leapt again. A little bit closer. One more leap. Now she could reach the plate with her long pink tongue.

We came home, to eat the cake.

The plate was empty.

The cake was gone.

Blossom was very happy, she was full of cake. Cake crumbs on her whiskers.

“OOOHHHhhh! BLOSSOM!” we said.

 

Blossom liked DOG FOOD

We kept the dog food safe in a sealed container in a cupboard.

One day the lid was loose.

Blossom opened the cupboard door.

She pulled off the lid with her big white teeth.

She pulled over the container.

Dog food all over the floor.

Blossom ate as much as she possibly could.

We came home. Blossom was lying on the floor among little bits of dog food. She wagged her tail.

Then “Phhhhhooooof” she farted, Ohhh……Smelly.

“OOOHHHhhh BLOSSOM!” we said.

 

Blossom Liked TOMATOES

We had a tomato plant. It grew in the garden. Every morning there was a nearly ripe tomato. Every evening it was gone.

We blamed the birds.

We blamed the squirrels.

We blamed the neighbours.

One day, out of the window we saw Blossom.

Ever so carefully Blossom bared her big white teeth. Ever so delicately she reached for the ripe tomato. Ever so carefully she plucked the ripe tomato. And ate it.

“OOOHHHhhh Blossom!” we sighed.

 

Blossom liked TRIFLE.

It was Christmas day.

It was a bright sunny Christmas day. Someone left the back door open. Someone left the gate open.

Someone said

“Where’s Blossom?”

She was not in the house.

She was not in the garden.

Later,

Blossom came home.

Blossom came home with cream on her nose and jelly in her whiskers and custard in her eyebrows.

Blossom was very pleased with herself.

“OOOHHHhhh BLOSSOM! What have you done?” we said.

And closed the back door and the garden gate.

“If anybody asks,” we said “Blossom has been here ALL DAY”

 

Blossom sometimes ate things she didn’t like.

She ate things that she thought might be food. If she wasn’t sure she ate it just in case.

 

Blossom ate a T-SHIRT.

It was a red t-shirt.

“Where’s my red t-shirt?” was the question

“I Don’t know.” was the answer.

Days later we found it.

On a dog walk.

It was embarrassing.

Blossom did a poo. A long, red poo. A very long, very red poo.

“OOOHHHhhh BLOSSOM!” we wailed.

We had to pick it up off the pavement. Then try to get a whole poopy t-shirt into a poo bag to throw it away.

 

 

Blossom ate a WHEAT BAG.

It was a cotton bag to warm in the micro wave to warm your hands, or your feet, or your back. You are NOT supposed to eat it.

Blossom did not read the instructions.

Blossom ate the wheat bag.

Blossom felt a bit poorly.

Then “Phhhhhooooof” she farted, Ohhh……Smelly.

But that was not all Blossom did.

The next day, on a dog walk Blossom had a bit of a tummy problem.

As she walked the wheat, from the wheat bag, began to leak, out of her tummy, through her insides, towards her bottom. It leaked more……and more. The pressure began to build inside her. There was only one way out. The wheat started to pop out of her bottom. More….and more popped out, until it was spraying from her bottom with every step that she took as she walked along the pavement.

 

Did we say “OOOHHHhhh BLOSSOM!” ?

 

No, we did not. Because it was not us who took Blossom for a walk that day.

It was a man called John who walked Blossom.

We don’t know what he said.